The job search continues

I'm having to play catch-up here. I had a lot of life shit distract me from writing new jokes. Having to find a new job, having to pay my bills, etc. But most of all trying to figure out what my next step is in life. I've been making a list of everything I'm good at and seeing if I could possibly make a career out of it. Unfortunately, no one is looking for a Muppet historian or a Super Mario technician.

Her name is Flo. I freeze framed and zoomed in on her name tag.

Forget money, forget security, forget everything that comes with having a job... I just need a job to stop watching so much TV. I may have reached a crisis level when I realized I was falling in love with the woman from the Progressive Insurance commercials.

Thank you, but just know I'm writing this shit down.

One of the toughest parts of unemployment is keeping track of all of the things my friends are doing for me, like picking up the tab at the restaurant, buying me a beer, etc. I'm hoping I can one day repay the favors in one fell swoop. Is there a restaurant that offers a surf and turf dinner dipped in gold?

If I'm good, I allow myself a Sam's Choice soda as a treat

I started a new diet. It's called the career in chaos diet. It's simple: Eat nothing but peanut butter and jelly, shit nothing but gold bricks.

Yet another unemployment joke. Hey, it's where my mind is right now.

What does it say about my career choice when a search on Monster.com in my field garnered five ads for survey takers and four for telemarketers. Why don't they offer directions to the plasma clinic while they're at it?

Soon, I'll take up moth breeding to make the symbolism complete

Today, I did the most disheartening thing an unemployed man could do: I cleaned out my wallet. I don't need those business cards and insurance info anymore, I thought. Now, with my wallet half as thick as it used to be, it's a depressing reminder when I go to pay for something that I have no money.

The gov't teat allows no complaining

Being unemployed really changes your perspective on government. Suddenly, I find myself a little less critical of the bailouts as I wait for that first unemployment check to come in.