I also work wonders with Ramen

You know you've reached a special level of broke when you know more than five different ways to dress up Kraft Macaroni & Cheese.

That, and it's a weight off of my shoulders.

I've grown accustomed to having long hair, but today, I had to break down and get a haircut. I finally passed that crucial threshold where the cost of a haircut was considerably less than another round of shampoo, conditioner and styling products.

Soon, I'll take up moth breeding to make the symbolism complete

Today, I did the most disheartening thing an unemployed man could do: I cleaned out my wallet. I don't need those business cards and insurance info anymore, I thought. Now, with my wallet half as thick as it used to be, it's a depressing reminder when I go to pay for something that I have no money.

Making it rain doubles.

I've been collecting two-dollar bills for years now. I hope is to take my collection to the strip club. Any time a guy tips a single, I'll show him up by tipping a double. The best part is the thought that a stripper will be counting her tips at the end of the night, and wonder how the hell she wound up with so many twos.