They should be more specific

They keep saying that we need creative solutions to fix the economy... Yet I set up one bum fight and suddenly I'm a social pariah.

So, I lost my job because I didn't go to church?

Last week, Oklahoma State Representative Sally Kern (R-what a surprise) introduced a resolution that blames our current economic woes on, get this, a collapse of morality in our society. I'm beginning to think that our elected officials only do this kind of stuff because they desperately want to get on the Daily Show.

The sun-stroked ham was a little dry

Times are tough for everyone. Today, I saw a butcher shop that only sells meat from animals who died from freak accidents. I got a nice Porterhouse from a cow that got swept up in a flood... Very juicy. Also, I got a whole chicken that was struck by lightning. Alright! Pre-cooked!

So, where are the cyborgs?

According to the news, the troubles of the big three automakers is leading to real estate prices plummeting in Detroit. But instead of the place becoming a ghost town, as is usually the case, companies are snatching up all of the land that goes on the market, investing in a brighter future in Detroit.

Wait a minute, wasn't this part of the bad guys' fiendish plot from Robocop? Did the Associated press fall asleep with late night cable on again?

I'm laughing all the way to the bank, but I forgot where it was

They say that in hard economic times like today, marijuana sales are booming. That's why I invested all of my money in Mallomars and Pink Floyd records.

Cash for your kidneys, NOW!

You know the economy is bad when gold buyers are advertising during the Super Bowl. We needn't worry, though. When black market live organ dealers start renting billboards, that's the time to panic.

Do not pass Go, Do not collect $200

I blame our current financial crisis on the board game Monopoly. Letting repeat criminals run a bank and own the utilities, helloooo!