When you get to the bottom you go back to the top...

It seems that there are way too many people nowadays doing outrageous and sometimes felonious things for no other reason than to get famous. The Octomom, Balloon Boy's parents, the White House party crashers, etc. Look, I understand the need for attention. I am a stand-up comic, after all. But in seeing some of the news stories over the past year, it makes me pine for the good ol' days of Charles Manson. Now, that was a guy who could sell crazy!

Let the conspiracy theories commence.

Elvis, the King of Rock and Roll... Bernie Mac, one of the Original Kings of Comedy... Micheal Jackson, the King of Pop... Is it just me, or is being labeled as royalty in show business a bit of a death sentence? I, for one, only aspire to a lesser title, like Duke or Knight... Less of a chance of dying suddenly.

In their defense, society has always been obsessed with that general area

Kim Kardashian & Paris Hilton, made sex tapes... FAMOUS! Kate Gosselin & the Octomom each had eight kids... FAMOUS! This means there is a whole generation of women in our society who are only famous solely because of what has come in or out of their hoo-ha.

Show me angry! Show me angry!

If we want to find Osama bin Laden, let's hire the paparazzi. If they can find Lindsay Lohan on a remote beach in Fiji, they can find the world's most wanted criminal. But who'll keep the tabloids in business, you ask? Simple. You start a photography work release program for violent criminals. Within a year, the war on terror is won, and Paris Hilton will be too scared to leave the house. Win-freaking-win, people!