They should be more specific

They keep saying that we need creative solutions to fix the economy... Yet I set up one bum fight and suddenly I'm a social pariah.

The moderate never gets any credence

Everybody talks about the lesser of two evils, but in my experience, evil tends to come in threes. In which case, I always choose the moderate of all evils. Sure, there was a safer choice, but there's always a chance they could work out. Even if it doesn't, it least I didn't go with the really big mistake!

This one's a visual joke

I found this banner ad on a web site today. Here's a good marketing tip for you: When you need someone to model the effectiveness of your new teeth whitening formula, don't hire a former meth addict. Or the British.

No one wants to ride with me anymore

Every road trip I take begins with the purchase of raisins, beef jerky and a bottle of Gatorade. I guess if I'm gonna spend hours in a car, I might as well test the effects of electrolytes on dried food products. The irony comes later when my car needs gas and my body has too much.