When you get to the bottom you go back to the top...

It seems that there are way too many people nowadays doing outrageous and sometimes felonious things for no other reason than to get famous. The Octomom, Balloon Boy's parents, the White House party crashers, etc. Look, I understand the need for attention. I am a stand-up comic, after all. But in seeing some of the news stories over the past year, it makes me pine for the good ol' days of Charles Manson. Now, that was a guy who could sell crazy!

Insane but practical

Last night, I encountered a crazy woman wearing a red zip-up fleece jacket, beige pants and a pink dress on top of it all. Well, in her defense, it was chilly and she did at least dress in layers.

That's why I only date when it's cloudy

Dating is like trying to attract lightning. You're out in the open field, trying to find that magical spark. Of course, if running around like a madman, wrapped in tin foil and waving around a golf club helps you find a girlfriend... Well, more power to you.

Guess the impulse item

I think the reason I'm broke all the time is because I like to buy a lot of unnecessary items every time I'm at the store, just so the clerk will think I'm insane. It's all in how you pair things up. Bottle of Jack Daniels and a home pregnancy test. Box of rat poison and a mylar balloon that says Thinking of You. Or the one I tried the other day: box of Kleenex, bottle of lotion and a Dora the Explorer DVD. That one was fun. They nearly called the cops on my ass.