I hear the Blair Witch Project looks amazing

While browsing the DVD's at Best Buy yesterday, I couldn't help but chuckle when I saw a Blu-ray copy of Cloverfield. Because if there's any movie you want high definition picture quality, it's one that was filmed with hand-held camcorders.

He's a poseur who doesn't play by the rules...

I've noticed that Hollywood has a rich tradition of making cop movies based on specific social subcultures. Gearheads had The Fast and the Furious, Pimps have Dolemite, etc. The one I'm waiting for is the pretentious hipster cop movie. "You're under arrest!" "For what?" "It's an obscure crime.. you've probably never heard of it."

Show us on the doll how the movie touched you.

With the release of the new G.I. Joe movie, I think it's too bad Hollywood can't be charged for raping my inner child.

Pace yourself!

I recently saw a 3-D movie with a friend of mine. Once the movie started, she was all "Oh, WOW! This is amazing! Did you see that?" The lasted about five minutes before I spoke up, "You live in the third dimension, calm down!"

Great Scot!

One of my favorite films from my youth is Back to the Future. However, it's hard for me to watch that movie nowadays because I can't help but think about how much deep shit Doc Brown is in by the end of that movie. If you look at that story objectively, he's technically guilty of:

1. Trespassing on the Twin Pines/Lone Pine Mall
2. Vandalism (starting fires in the parking lot)
3. Animal cruelty
4. Operating an unlicensed vehicle (remember the license plate fell off the DeLorean)
5. Possible firearms charge (depending on whether that .357 magnum was registered)
6. Possession of an unstable element without a permit (Plutonium)
7. Speeding (88 MPH within the city limits)
8. Endangering the safety of a minor (poor Marty)
9. Treason/Conspiring with enemies of the State (in this case, the Libyans)

Not to mention that in California, when a death occurs during the commission of a felony, it's a instant charge of first-degree murder for each dead body. However, it's never clear if any of the Libyans actually died. They may have just been knocked unconscious by the crash into the photomat. In which case, his troubles are far from over (fatwa, anyone?)

Likewise, when you take the whole trilogy into account, he and Marty are in violation of several FAA regulations for flying two different unlicensed aircraft, obstruction of justice, breaking & entering, train robbery, abandoning a vehicle on the train tracks, countless acts of destruction of property, littering, assault... The list goes on!

Enjoy your kids' nightmares, irresponsible parent!

I used to get really bent out of shape when parents would bring their little kids to an R-rated movie. "You're bringing a four-year-old to Starship Troopers? Really?!?" But nowadays, I just sneak the kids some highly sugared candy to shut them up and I sit back and enjoy the movie, content in the idea that I'm not gonna have to deal with those kid's questions afterward.

This scene brought to you by Wayerhauser

Whenever something explodes in a movie, there's always burning sheets of paper falling afterward. If I was in an action movie, I'd just steer clear of any large stacks of paper, because you know that's where the bomb must be hidden.