Looks like I need a remedy.

This weekend, I saw the Black Crowes in concert, but had to leave early. I had forgotten that the opening riff of any Black Crowes song is like announcing, "OK, light up, hippies!"

Ordinarily, I'd be all over that stuff, but if I need to take a drug test soon, I didn't want my defense to be, "Do you guys like music?"

Have you ever looked at a Franklin Planner...on weed?

I was kinda shocked to find out that one of my stoner friends actually keeps a day planner. He wouldn't show it to me, by I would imagine it would read something like this:
9:00 -- Wake
9:05 -- Bake
9:20 - 4:00 -- Halo 3
4:20 -- Smoke more pot
6:00 -- Cici's Pizza Buffet
7:00 -- Robotech Marathon
12:00 -- Sleep

I'm laughing all the way to the bank, but I forgot where it was

They say that in hard economic times like today, marijuana sales are booming. That's why I invested all of my money in Mallomars and Pink Floyd records.

Hell of a drug

Freud came up with Psychology while on cocaine. The Beatles were stoned out of their minds when they recorded Sgt. Peppers. Francis Crick discovered the structure of DNA on an acid trip. I think the only reason people are so against crystal meth is because none of its users have done anything noteworthy.

Hail to the King

In honor of Elvis' birthday, I'll be spending the entire day on the toilet, hopped up on fistfuls of Demerol.