On January 1, 2009, I started an experiment to write one new joke every day for at least one year. As 2009 rolled forward, the universe proceeded to deal me a series of events that left me with no lack of inspiration for new material. Most of these jokes have found their way into my on-stage routine, and most of them have become staples of my act.

Now that I have made it through my first year, my focus has shifted from quantity to quality. I still update with new jokes, just not on my original every frickin' day deadline. Please feel free to grade these jokes, and heckle them. If a joke gets heckled enough, I will go back and make them better. I want to make sure my audience gets their money's worth, even though this is a free service.

Monday, June 22

That's all it takes, really. Pressure and time.

One way I handle stress is to imagine Morgan Freeman narrating the situation. If his voice can make two hours of penguins walking seem interesting, it can get me through my wait at the DMV. If he can make prison rape seem like a normal part of life, he can help me overcome a bounced check. And if he can describe aliens dying of the common cold in a way that won't make me demand my money back, well, he can get me through that blind date next week.

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