On January 1, 2009, I started an experiment to write one new joke every day for at least one year. As 2009 rolled forward, the universe proceeded to deal me a series of events that left me with no lack of inspiration for new material. Most of these jokes have found their way into my on-stage routine, and most of them have become staples of my act.

Now that I have made it through my first year, my focus has shifted from quantity to quality. I still update with new jokes, just not on my original every frickin' day deadline. Please feel free to grade these jokes, and heckle them. If a joke gets heckled enough, I will go back and make them better. I want to make sure my audience gets their money's worth, even though this is a free service.

Sunday, November 1

Wookin' pa nub in aw the wong paces

In talking with a friend about me not having a girlfriend, one thing that I came to realize is that I really haven't narrowed down exactly what I'm looking for in a woman. Upon much thought on the matter, I've come down to three requirements:

1. She must have confidence in herself, and not feel like she has to talk shit about others to do so.

2. She doesn't have to like the same things as me, but she must at least understand why I like them. A good example of a deal breaker for me is to have to again answer the question, "What's so great about Star Wars?"

3. She must not possess the kind of personality that gives my best friends lockjaw. You know, like when I ask them what they think of her, they don't say "She seems nice!" through clinched teeth.

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