On January 1, 2009, I started an experiment to write one new joke every day for at least one year. As 2009 rolled forward, the universe proceeded to deal me a series of events that left me with no lack of inspiration for new material. Most of these jokes have found their way into my on-stage routine, and most of them have become staples of my act.

Now that I have made it through my first year, my focus has shifted from quantity to quality. I still update with new jokes, just not on my original every frickin' day deadline. Please feel free to grade these jokes, and heckle them. If a joke gets heckled enough, I will go back and make them better. I want to make sure my audience gets their money's worth, even though this is a free service.

Monday, December 21

Audience Participation Caption Contest

Post your captions in the Heckler's section below.

Here are mine for the week:

1. Ah, Mr. Goofy. You have a nasty habit of surviving.

2. When all legal means have failed, Disney's lawyers call in "The Fixer."

3. They told me there was no film in that camera!


  1. Hand over the bra, Funnicello. I need it more than you do.

  2. You said wearing these chains would make me look Bad-Ass...

  3. Don't Mess With Me Man, I'm F-in Goofy!

  4. In the early 50's, competition was fierce for leading roles among female animated characters. When Minnie was let go by the studio, it began a period of drug abuse and destructive behavior that would leave her unrecognizeable. Then, on that grey autumn day in 1954, Daisy Duck was relaxing in her living room, when she heard an ominous knock at the door...

  5. "Just give me the cheese and nobody gets hurt."

  6. Go ahead Donald. . . Make my day.

  7. M-I-C...see if you can scrub this visual from your brain.
    K-E-Y...why don't you just hand over your wallet and keys.

    M-O-U-S-E...if your good you'll never see me again. Oh, wait. See first stanza...hahaha