Disclaimer

On January 1, 2009, I started an experiment to write one new joke every day for at least one year. As 2009 rolled forward, the universe proceeded to deal me a series of events that left me with no lack of inspiration for new material. Most of these jokes have found their way into my on-stage routine, and most of them have become staples of my act.

Now that I have made it through my first year, my focus has shifted from quantity to quality. I still update with new jokes, just not on my original every frickin' day deadline. Please feel free to grade these jokes, and heckle them. If a joke gets heckled enough, I will go back and make them better. I want to make sure my audience gets their money's worth, even though this is a free service.

Friday, May 8

There should really be a special register open for these people

I always like to push for truth in advertising. For instance, I don't believe anyone should be allowed to use the term "convenience store". Because whenever you're in there to pre-pay for gas, you're in line behind some idiot paying for powerball tickets with a two-party out-of-state check from the Bank of Tunisia. The next guy stays at the counter to see if his scratch-offs are all winners, and then purchases a money order with loose change. The next guy uses his food stamp card and it takes him three tries to get their PIN number right. Then there's the guy that wants THAT brand of cigarettes... no, not that one, the one next to it... no, the other side... oh, could he get that in a soft pack instead?

That's why I go out of my way to thank that one guy in line that has his shit together. One cup of coffee that costs $.85, and he slaps down three quarters and a dime. My hero.
© 2009, Dan
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